Through the Eyes of Someone Else

I opened my eyes and stood there. I was in disbelief at what had just happened. That one text, the text that would spark the ultimate drama.

“One out of four guys left!” What does this mean? I thought to myself. I have everyone I have ever loved around me. So I made the dumb mistake to ask what it meant. “It means that the only guy you have left is D-----, the other three, as in me, your brother, and your dad have all left you.” I didn’t get it, then it hit me, and the tears welled into my eyes. I looked up from my phone and walked to the teacher’s desk. “May I use the restroom?” I asked.

She shook her head then looked back down into her work. As I was leaving the room it hit me and the tears started to roll like thunder. I couldn’t control it, I was overwhelmed with all that I had just experienced. In one text my entire day had changed. “Everyone you have loved has left.” I thought about this in my head for a long time and then finally went back to class. I sat in silence, the class just flew by, as if I had hit the fast forward button. Class by class flew by, until I finally reached the last class of the day, cheerleading. I was so happy to work out, to just get out all my anger, because if I had seen him I would have unleashed all the anger from my very core that would make a boxer scared.

After working out I rushed out of the gym in fear of seeing him. Finally my day was over I could relax. Buzzzzz! I look down and there is a text: “New message from P-----!” All the anger was coming back! I could kill him I thought! As I went to unlock my phone I tried to keep a level head as to what he would say.

“Can you call me?” said the message. In my heart I wanted to forgive him, but in my mind I knew I couldn’t, at least not then. Buzz, buzz, buzz, buzz! That’s all I heard for the next three hours, but I couldn’t answer, he was officially dead to me. I promised myself not to forgive him.

-----

Buzz! I turned over my phone in the secrecy of my lap in fear of the teacher seeing it. “New message from A-----.” I read the message. “I don’t understand why your being so mean?” I couldn’t help but laugh. To me all of this was a joke--I didn’t think she would take it seriously, but I could tell she was starting to. But I couldn’t help it. I started to send meaner and meaner texts. As I sent them I could feel myself actually getting angry when I was thinking about what to say. Every built up aggression in my life was just exploding onto her. I knew in my mind I would regret this but I couldn’t help it. She deserved it after all the things that have happened to us. She needs someone to tell her the truth. So I sent the message, “One out of four guys left!” I knew this was as low as you could get. Right after I sent it I almost felt some sick version of joy. As in I had finally won this ongoing battle. Little did I know that later I would regret it.

I sat in class waiting for a response. Class after class nothing. This is when I truly realized that I had made a mistake. Truly, did I say the worst thing ever and expect to get away with it? Now I knew I was in trouble. After that one text, and the non-responding, my anger turned into sadness, and sorrow. I knew I had just made a mistake that may cost me a friendship with someone that knew me better than anyone. All I could do was try to reach her. Text after text, and no response, so I decided to call her. Call after call, still no answer. I was starting to freak! I couldn’t just end it this way I knew I needed to do something. I couldn’t leave everything behind. I turned to the one person I thought I could ask for help, R-----. I called R----- and he answered the phone. “R-----, I need you to do me a favor and call A-----.”

R----- replies, “Sure, P-----.” After getting off the phone with R----- I felt relieve in one way, and even more stressed in the other. I waited to see if she replied. My chances were not good.

-----

I was just sitting in my room relaxing. Buzzzz! I hear my phone go off, so I walk over to my desk and see who it is. “Call from P-----” my phone says. So off basic instinct I answer. “Hey P----- what’s up?” Phil answers in a panicked voice “R-----, I need you to do me a favor and call A-----.” I answer without a thought because I could hear the worry in his voice. I hang up the phone and go to call A-----. Ring! Ring! Ring! And then she answers in a confused voice. “Hey R----- why are you calling?” This is the beginning of a long conversation. Five minutes go by, ten, twenty, thirty, and finally we get to the end of the conversation, “So are you going to call him?” I ask. “I honestly don’t know. It is more than just a phone call can make up for.” And she hung up. I call back P----- and tell him that what he had done was more than a phone call from me could fix, and got myself out of that mess as quickly as I could.

-----

As I am contemplating calling P-----, I get a phone call from R-----. I answer the phone call “Hey R-----, why are you calling?” confused as to why he would call me, because every time he does it is because of someone else. We have a long conversation about the fight. As I am talking to him I slowly realize I need to talk to P----- and get this out of the way. Not so much forgive but to clear the air. R----- and I finish our conversation and I switch to my text messaging. I read all my messages from P-----, and the only thing I can reply is “I hate you.” This was the only text I could think of to describe my feelings, even though I truly didn’t hate him. Time goes by, texts are sent, sorrys are said, and throughout all of this I could only think of the anger and sadness I had felt the entire day. How if that one message was never sent none of the things that happened would have. I finally build up enough guts to call him. He answers the phone.

“I’m sorry and I know that no matter how many times I say it, I will never be fully forgiven. I know that A----- and I truly am sorry for the things that I said.” As our conversation went on a mistake was made. I said something that changed the conversation around completely. It went from P----- apologizing to me, to me apologizing to him. So as one conflict ended another one started. The longest night of my life continued, and still is.

-----

I sat shaking! A----- wouldn’t reply to my text my phone calls or the five voice mails I had left her. As I was giving up hope my phone rings. “Call from A-----” my phone says. I leap out of bed ready to answer! As I answer the phone I tell her how sorry I am, but all she responds is “ya,” or “okay.” I was starting to get frustrated and was willing to do anything to get her to forgive me. Until she dropped the bomb on me, this was news I never expected. I stopped apologizing to her, and the roles switched, she was apologizing to me. In the 10 hour fight when she was mad at me had just changed. It sparked another fight that led to the longest night of my life...